In San Diego, California, a Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition for drivers chosen at random.
“What are you going to do with the money?” asked the policeman.
“Well, I guess I’m going to get a driver’s license,” he answered.
“Oh, don’t listen to him,” yelled a woman in the passenger seat. “He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.”
This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car.”
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish, “Are we over the border yet?”
Wife Versus Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
A Jewish man was in a supermarket in Thornhill, Ontario. He saw a woman trying to get her young child to put down a candy bar he had picked off the shelf.
“Latrell, you put that down! It’s not kosher!”
Intrigued, the young man decided to investigate. “Excuse me, ma’am, are you Jewish?”
“So why did you say that?”
“Why? I’ll tell you why. ‘Cuz I see all them Jewish mothers saying that to their kids - and it works, so I decided to try it.”
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
“Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.”
“That’s the same with us,” the American said, “only we see stars, too.”
Can You Spin?
My 3 1/2 year old grandson was in a carpool coming home from playgroup. The Mommy that was picking him up was limping, he asked her what happened, she told him that she hurt her shin. Being the inquisitive child that he is, he asked her “What is a ‘shin’?” and she pointed to her leg. He then asked her, in all innocence, “Do you also have a ‘HAY’?”
Joke of the Month
Note in the Kotel
A rabbi meets a couple and asks them how many children they have. “Sadly, we are not blessed with any children yet,” they say.
“Let me write down your names and place a note in the Kotel, for a blessing,” says the rabbi.
Five years later he meets the woman again and asks, “So, how is the family?” “Well, rabbi, we were blessed with 10 children; two sets of twins and two sets of triplets.”
“Amazing! I would like to congratulate your husband. Where is he?”
“He is in Israel,” she replies.
“What is he doing there?”
“Trying to find that note you placed in the wall.”