Moe and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
"Well," says Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
"Wait a minute," Moe replies. "Didn't you read that book I lent you, 'The Other Side of the Story,' about the command to judge other people favorably? I'll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving's behavior."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Maybe he's sick and needs to go to the hospital."
"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he's healthier than Arnold Schwartzeneger."
"Well, maybe his wife's having a baby."
"She had one last week."
"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
"She's home."
"Well, maybe he's running to the hospital to get a doctor."
"He IS a doctor."
"Well, maybe he needs supplies from the hospital."
"The hospital is a three-minute walk in the opposite direction."
"Well, maybe he forgot that it's Shabbos!"
"Of course he knows it's Shabbos. Didn't you see his tie? It was his beige paisley 100% silk Giovani tie from Italy. He never wears it during the week."
"Wow, you're really observant! I didn't even notice he was wearing a tie."
"How could you not notice? Didn't you see how it was caught on the back fender of the taxi?"
A few years ago, when my mother was driving me and my siblings home from our Chol Hamoed Pesach trip, she was caught speeding. The cop who pulled her over was rude and sarcastic, and he proceeded, in an especially nasty fashion, to write out a ticket. My mother begged and pleaded with him to have some mercy, but the officer just continued chewing his gum and writing. He informed her, in no uncertain terms, that she would be faced with a fine as well as four points on her license.
Suddenly my mother pulled out a card from her pocketbook and handed it to the officer. We all watched in amazement as he looked at it, shook his head, began grinning ... and then laughing ... and let her off with just a warning. As the cop drove away, we bombarded my mother with questions. What was that card? What could it possible say that it managed to change the cop's mood so drastically? With a twinkle in her eye, my mother picked up the card for us to see. It was a Monopoly card: "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE ..."
R.A.
Flatbush
I was in a supermarket last week, doing my Shabbos shopping, when I saw a pitiful sight. A young woman in front of me was pushing a grocery cart with a screaming baby in it. As she moved up and down the aisles, she kept murmuring, "Stay calm, Rachel. Don't cry, Rachel. Don't scream, Rachel."
I watched in admiration for a few moments, and then I approached the woman and remarked, "You certainly have a lot of patience with little Rachel."
"What do you mean?" snapped the woman. "I'm Rachel!"
Y.Z.
Montreal
No, you didn't. You've never actually purchased a dreidel in your life, have you? You wouldn't even know where to go to get a hold of one - the toy store? The plastic dreidel deposits in Central America? The candy store? Actually, that last one is not so far off if you're in the market for one of those big hollow dreidels filled with nosh. But we all know that that's not really a dreidel. That's an early shalach manos.
Yet you somehow have a mountain of dreidels at home, accumulated over the years from various schools, mid-winter birthday parties, early shalach manos, etc. But none of these dreidels came with instructions. In fact, we at the Bureau of Instruction Manuals are even led to believe that you have no idea what to do with a dreidel, which is why we came up with:
1. Do not swallow.
Now that we got #1 out of the way, we should also point out that THIS TOY IS NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF THREE, UNLESS THEY ARE "WITH IT" ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO READ THIS WARNING. Small children will try to swallow anything they can get their hands on, especially dreidels, which come in colors that are similar to many of the "candies" that have been approved for use on humans. Also, small children take forever to spin the dreidel on their turn.
ORIGINS:
The dreidel originated during the time of the chashmona'im, when many Jews hid away in caves to learn Torah until such time as the Greek soldiers showed up, which was when they hid their seforim and pretended that they were playing an innocent game of dreidel. "Oh!" exclaimed the guards, who were somewhat relieved. "This isn't a secret yeshiva! It is simply a bunch of grown men sitting around in a cave and playing with a top!"
Nowadays, most dreidels are handed out in cheder, where the children practice spinning them until the rebbe shows up, at which time they pretend to be learning.
OBJECT OF THE GAME:
The object of the game is to win. But in case anyone asks, winning doesn't matter as long as you have fun. But there's only so much fun you can have with a game that doesn't require batteries.
MATERIALS NEEDED:
- 1 dreidel, or 1 dreidel per person, plus a pile of dreidels that everyone stays away from because they're "bad luck."
- A bunch of pennies, the exact amount depending on such factors as how many people are playing, how long the game is expected to take and who is providing the pennies. (Beans, nuts or Pokemon cards may also be used.)
- A hard, level playing surface, such as a dinette table, a hardwood floor or a tennis court.
- A pan of latkes sizzling in the background. This provides atmosphere in the form of spattering noises; if the game goes into overtime, it also provides atmosphere in the form of smoke.
- 1 pot
PLAYERS:
Anywhere from 2 players to 6.4 billion players, as long as you're willing to invite complete strangers off the street to come into your home and gamble. Just keep an eye on your pennies, as well as your children.
Along with everyone else, each game of dreidel must include:
- 1 Show-Off - This is a person, usually male, who will make sure everyone notices, at each of his turns, that he is spinning the dreidel upside down on its handle.
- 1 Dreidel-Dependent - This person will remind everyone over and over that he got the worst dreidel of the bunch and that, if anything bad happens, including the latkes exploding, it is entirely his dreidel's fault.
- 1 Floor Guy - This person cannot spin a dreidel without having it fall violently onto the floor or, if you're already playing on the floor, through the hall and down the stairs. He or she will then pick up the dreidel, announce what letter it says and throw it back into the playing area in a way that leaves the other players doubting that he's even bothered to read the dreidel. This person usually wins.
- 1 person who keeps announcing that next year he's going to bring in a weighted dreidel, so that he'd always get a "gimmel."
- 1 person who actually has a weighted dreidel and doesn't realize it.
GAME PLAY:
Game play begins when each player spins as many dreidels as he or she can simultaneously and then tries to choose one to use throughout the game. Allow about one hour for this.
ACTUAL GAME PLAY:
The first player spins the dreidel and waits for it to stop spinning. He then looks at it, frowns and says, "Okay, that was a practice spin." Then he spins it again. When the dreidel finally lands on its side, the player follows the instructions corresponding to the letter shown on the dreidel:
- "NUN" - The player does nothing. He simply sits there and stares in the general direction of his dreidel until the next player gets tired of waiting and spins his own dreidel.
- "GIMMEL" - The player can do a short victory dance, and then he can take all of the pennies from the pot in the middle of the playing area. Then he can put one or two back into the pot, along with everyone else, because otherwise there's no real point in the next guy going. Or, if you want a really short game, the game is over when someone gets a "gimmel," and cheating is allowed.
- "HEY" - The player takes half of the pot. If there are an odd amount of pennies in the pot, a major argument ensues and the game is basically over.
- "SHIN" (also "PEY" if you have a dreidel from Eretz Yisroel, and "?" if you have one of the dreidels the chashmona'im used) - The player puts some of his pennies back into the pot and then switches to another dreidel.
Game play then continues in the order in which the players are sitting, because otherwise it gets confusing.
THE WINNER:
The winner is the player who is left with the most pennies at the end of the game. He gets to keep his pennies.
THE LOSER:
The loser is the guy who supplied the pennies in the first place.
ENDGAME:
The game ends when it is time to put out the latkes. The pot could come in handy for this, but the truth is that no one really uses an actual pot. In my house, for instance, we use an ashtray.
"COUNTRY YOSSI"
